I FINALLY created an illustration for Illustration Friday!!! It took me a while, but better late than never. I’m going to try my best to participate each and every Friday. I really need to get my creative juices flowing again. And who am I kidding I need to just start sketching and drawing again. It took me all of 5 minutes to do, so that’s not too bad, right? RIGHT

This week’s topic is SHAKY. First thing that came to mind were my days of coffee addiction. If I didn’t have food with my coffee I’d get a mean case of the shakes. It used to make me feel like I was crazy, LOL!

How bad was my addiction? During my freshman year of college I’d order a triple Vietnamese coffee on campus EVERYDAY. It was soooooo yummy! But you know you have a problem when you get to the coffee counter, the workers see you, and they recite your order, “Hey! Triple Vietnamese coffee with 2% milk and whip cream, right?” Now that’s bad. But in my defense, I think all that coffee helped me get through my first year of college.

Today, I don’t drink any coffee.

After over 8 years of waiting… Maxwell is back with a new record on July 7, 2009!!! Black is the first of a trilogy of records he’s releasing within the next 3 years (2009, 2010, and 2011). YES! No more waiting

I love music. I mean, who doesn’t, right? I love all kinds of music. If it sounds good, I’ll listen to it. But there are only a few artists that I can listen to over and over and over again. And that #1 artist for me is Maxwell. He is by far my favorite musician. I will listen to all his albums (Urban Hang Suite, Maxwell Unplugged, Embrya, and Now) back to back, top to bottom, and then repeat. Seriously.

I first discovered Maxwell in 1997 when I was watching TV and flipping channels.  I stopped on MTV and Unplugged was on. The music made me stop channel surfing. I was like, “Who the heck is this?!” Luckily I tuned in at the beginning of the show. The funk, soul, horns, and vocals… DAMN! It hooked me in. Maxwell has such a great stage presence, but his vocal abilities and his sound and his band were unbelievable!!! AWESOME!!! Being a kid that was used to hearing pop, boy bands, alterna-punk, and fluffy love songs on the radio… this was new for me.

After seeing Maxwell‘s Unplugged performance I rushed to Border’s and bought the Unplugged EP. ‘Til this day, that is still my favorite album.

So far I’ve listened to the two released singles from Black, “Pretty Wings” and “Bad Habits”. God… he’s back. Sounds as great as ever. I cannot wait!!!

(image source: Amazon.com)

And I’ve found another one… AMC’s “Breaking Bad.”

I heard about this show when the main star, Bryan Cranston (the dad from “Malcolm in the Middle”) was on a bunch of different talk shows promoting the show. I finally got a chance to check it out just as Season 2 was ending. But instead of watching what was left of Season 2, I downloaded Season 1 and all the Season 2 episodes that were completed.

First episode I was watching with Raf and it was a little slow.  Thirty minutes in Raf said, “This is kind of boring.” Then BANG!!! It got interesting!!! Got hooked right after that.  Great show! So very interesting and very intense.

To give you the basics, it’s about a Chemistry teacher who finds out he has lung cancer. He ends up cooking and selling crystal meth to help support his family. Yeah, sounds nuts, but you know what? THIS SHOW ROCKS!!! There’s a little bit of funny moments, but really this is a very adult drama. Definitely don’t watch it with your kids.

This show really makes you question what’s right and what’s wrong. And especially how far is TOO far. Raf and I really like the show, but I’d say the last 5 episodes got incredibly crazy and intense. Seriously. The last 2 episodes were EXTREMELY fucked up.  After we watched the finale Raf was kind of upset. He’s all, “I don’t think I want to watch this show anymore.”

He might not watch it but I will!  Great acting, great writing, great show.

There were A LOT of people in attendance.  I was kind of surprised, actually.  But with the tough times we are all experiencing (*shakes fist at the Economy*), I shouldn’t have been.  Ms. PTA Lady said that a few years ago she’d be lucky if just one person showed up to the info meeting.

Ms. PTA Lady gave all the great information I was looking for. This was the first California college to offer a PTA program, which started in 1969.  She said 100% of the students who finished the program and took the National PTA licensure test, passed.  That’s really reassuring! She gave the ups and the downs of both the application process and the job itself.  I was surprised that I didn’t have one little bit of apprehension or hesitation about becoming a PTA after this meeting. I was actually excited about it.  Damnit, I am gonna do it!

The hard part is going to be getting into the PTA program itself.  Only 30 students are let in every Fall.  I will need to BUST MY ASS so that I can get in.  They have a rating system, which I think will work to my advantage.  They factor in if you already have a degree, PT volunteer work, previous medical experience, and certain classes you’ve taken.  I don’t have any PT exposure or medical experience, but I think my degree and the classes I’ve taken will help with my pointage.

My first steps will be to apply for school, which I will do today.  After I have my transcripts sent, I’ll schedule a counseling/evaluation meeting to figure out what courses I’ve taken that will transfer over, and then what classes  I need to take to complete an A.S.  Being the excessive planner I am, I looked over all the GE/graduation requirements and I should be good, except I need two PE classes.  I’ve got my eye on Golf and Bowling   In addition, to increase my pointage and overall knowledge, I’m gonna take a bunch of science/medical classes (Microbiology, Physics, Psychology, and Chemistry).  I want LOTS of points!!  My competitive side is really coming out, and I will do what I have to in order to get into the PTA program!!!

So folks, I’m 100% decided… I’m gonna be a PTA

I was like, “WTF?!”  It said that they’re sure I’m talented, blah, blah, blah, but that I failed to answer all their questions in their Craigslist ad.  I did a double WTF?!  I had spent over 2 hours writing and proofreading the shit out of my cover letter and resume to make sure I had everything covered. Two fucking hours.  And after those two blessed hours, I was happy with what I had. Well, obviously, I must’ve missed something or they just sent a cookie cutter rejection e-mail.

I’ve received a few rejection letters these past few months, but this was the last straw. I was already spent and exhausted, then this was just the salt on the wound. I broke down and I cried. For a good hour. I hadn’t cried over this joblessness and hopelessness for a while. But there I was in the middle of the night, in the middle of project, husband sleeping soundly in the other room, and just sobbing. Maybe I was due for a good ol’ cry.

What I think that sob-fest did for me was provide me with an even clearer vision of what I need to do. I’ve come to finally accept that maybe I need to put the idea of doing Design full-time again out of my head.

I’ve decided to go back to school.  I’ve decided to go into Physical Therapy Assistance (PTA). There is an information meeting on May 6th that I’m going to attend. After that meeting if I feel this is something I could do, I’m gonna do it. I’ve done a lot of research about PTA already, and from that I really think I can do it!

Unfortunately I won’t be able to apply for the PTA program until Fall 2010.  I am missing a few prerequisites.  But I can spend this upcoming Fall 2009 school season taking those classes.  Also, I need to volunteer somewhere that I can witness PTs and PTAs in action. I need at least 50+ hours. After this info meeting, I’m going to call around to different places so I can volunteer this Summer and beyond.

I’m actually excited!  I really and truly am.  Scared is mixed in there as well, but mostly I’m excited. Everyone I’ve talked to about this has been so supportive. They believe I can do it But more importantly, I believe I can do it.

So what’s to become of my design business and design career?  Well, I figure I will freelance while I’m going to school. It’s better money than trying to find a part-time job. And if all work out, I get into the PTA program, and become a PTA… I’ll continue to do freelance work. I was even thinking about providing my services pro-bono for nonprofit organizations if and/or when I become a PTA.

I’m feeling good about all of this, I really am. I’m feeling so positive and so hopeful. I think I’ve finally got a clearer picture of the next chapter in my life.

RESISTANCE AND SELF-DOUBT (Page 39)

Self-doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself (and your friends), “Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?” chances are you are.

The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.

That is so completely me.

After reading the book, I’ve had a chance to think a little more clearly and I think I know what I’m going to do.

I’ve spent almost 4 years post-college working as a Designer. I’m not completely ready to give that up just yet. I love what I do. I’ve decided to take this time to perfect my craft. I’m going to school myself.

I have all the Adobe CS4 books so I’m going to retrain myself. My knowledge of the programs (Illustrator, Photoshop, InDesign, Flash, and Dreamweaver) has been through school and work experience. I’ve never actually cracked open any books and read them from beginning to end. It’s time this jack of all trades becomes a master. I’ve decided to spend at least a week for each subject/book. Want to see my teacher/student lesson plan? Here it is:

• Adobe InDesign CS4
• Adobe Photoshop CS4
• Adobe Dreamweaver CS4
• Adobe Flash CS4
• Adobe ActionScript CS4
• Adobe Illustrator CS4
• The Designer’s Desktop Manual
• Getting It Printed
• Stylin’ with CSS

Whoa! I just realized that’s a lot!  Maybe I’ll break it down to 2-3 days per book. I’m determined guys! I really am

But that’s not all. I have a backup plan. If after studying and perfecting my craft I can’t find a job or enough freelance work… I’m going to consider becoming a Physical Therapy Assistant. I did my research and found out that one of the local community colleges has that program/degree. I’m giving myself until the end of the year. As much as I would love to keep at Design until someone hires me, it’s unrealistic. I have a house and bills to pay for. I have to be practical and realistic.

With this “free” time on my hands, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching.  Maybe it’s time that I go through my quarter-life crisis?  Or are you only allowed to have that when you’re 25?  Whatever.  I’m calling my 28th year/29th year my quarter-life crisis.  So I’ve been wondering if I want to be a designer for the rest of my life.  My 3+ years as a 9-5er designer has been good.  I enjoyed what I did and I learned a lot.  But I will admit that after 2 years… it kind of became a drag.  Same of the same ol’ same ol’.  If it wasn’t for me getting to work from home the last year and a half, I probably would’ve tried to do other things.  But alas, when you have a stable job and one that allows you to work from home, the “finding something else” option flies right out the window.  At least for me it did.

And here I am now. No job, nothing coming in through any windows or doors.  I got to thinking, maybe I need to look into a whole new career altogether.  Something practical, something stable, something that pays a lot more.  I thought about going into Healthcare.  The top 3 things I’m looking into are: (1) Physical Therapy; (2) Radiology; and (3) Nursing.  All three my mom tried to convince me to major in while I was growing up. Oh, but no!  I was like, “Hell no!  I’m going to be an Artist and you can’t stop me!”  Hmm… seems like my mom might get to have an “I told you so” moment.

I’ve also been thinking about how I want to spend the next 30+ years of my working life. And I would really like to do something that helps people.  Physical Therapy seems to be the one job that could allow me to do so.  You know, without making me freak out or gross out the way I imagine nursing might.  My hat’s off to all my nurse friends and just all nurses in general.

I’ve actually looked for schools available in San Diego for Physical Therapy. Nothing. Freakin’ aye, man.  And I won’t lie… the idea of having to pay tuition is making me cringe. Seriously, do I want to go back to school?!  The honest answer is, “No.” But if I have to, I will.

Or maybe I just need to work with what I got (Design/Art) and just hope that something pops up? Perfect my skills and my knowledge and just at it? Argh. I don’t know. Told you I was lost.

It got me to thinking about the last semester of college, in good ol’ 2005.  I remember going to school early to get a parking spot and then hanging out in a little library cubicle for a few hours.  There I’d unpack my Powerbook and listen to so much music.  I’d listen and work on my assignments.  I miss those times.  There was just something so soothing about that routine.  It makes me kind of sad only realizing now how much I enjoyed that time.  When it was actually going on, I’m sure I didn’t stop to appreciate it.

But back then, I think I just let the music absorb, without having to actually listen to it, you know what I mean?  Like I could easily finish up an assignment and have listened to three or four albums without even noticing.  But sure enough next time I listen to those same albums I’d know ALL the lyrics!

Nowadays, it’s hard for me to concentrate with music on.  Maybe my mind is just jumbled with so many thoughts, ideas, and worries that I can’t enjoy music the way I once did.  It makes me feel old and disconnected with the rest of society.

So I’m thinking, I have to re-train myself to listen to music.  I’m going to have to turn off the TV while I work and listen to music again. Try to find that harmony again, with music and work.

I’m not going to say being laid off was a big surprise to me, but it sucks so bad nonetheless.  I’ve been with that company for almost 4 years.  When you’ve been in a routine for that long, it’s kind of hard to figure yourself out.  Because when you wake up the next morning, you no longer have that routine.  You no longer have that feeling of security to wake up to.

I’ve been fortunate that I’ve worked on some freelance projects here and there.  I think i’d go insane if I wasn’t doing something. Anything.  Thankfully I have that and unemployment to help us keep afloat until I can find a new job… or until unemployment runs out.

In the month that I’ve been unemployed, I’ve applied for 15 jobs. I got one response, and am still waiting to see if I get an interview.  It seems like a really cool company to work for.  Wish me luck

Also, there was one other possibility.  An old co-worker told me about this one opportunity.  At first I was feeling good about it, but now I don’t think it’s going to pan out the way I thought it might.  Oh well, just gotta keep moving on.

One awesome thing that’s come out of this is that so many people in my life have been there for me.  So many friends and old co-workers are looking around for me to see who’s hiring.  It’s nice to know that there are people who think highly of me.  I’m telling you, it’s so important to carry yourself as professionally as you can. AND, never burn bridges.  You just never know what opportunities might come your way!

I really hope that the economy turns around.  It’s tough for everybody out there, whether you’re unemployed or not.